A Sorta Fairytale
by Wonderful Failure
Summary: Xu feels as though she doesn't deserve love, especially from the man she loves most. Can true love really conquer all? [Zell x Xu]
1. Bittersweet

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A Sorta Fairytale

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Author's Notes

Alright, I know I should've finished _Otherworld_ before I started a new story, but I couldn't help myself. This idea had been swimming around for at least a month. Besides, I have no idea what to do with _Otherworld._ It's been on hiatus for a while. Regardless, this is a new type of story, I think. At least, I've never seen it before. It's going to be a Zell x Xu story. I'm sure no one will even glance at this story, since there're far too many great stories at www.fanfiction.net to begin with. However, if you _do_ happen to read it, and you _do_ enjoy it, please leave a review. It would mean the world to me.

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Disclaimer

The _Final Fantasy VIII_ franchise is owned by Squaresoft. The song _A Sorta Fairytale_ is owned by Tori Amos.

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Ch. 01

Bittersweet

__

Well, of course he can act like that. It'd be selfish of me to expect anything else from him. That's him. Why would I ever want him to change? After all, he's the one who makes me feel like this. Ever since that SeeD mission in Dollet, I think. I caught his glance, just for a second. And that's all it took. They were very much like the ocean. And a part of me wished to leap into them, swim through them, taste them. And another part of me knew how dangerous the ocean could be. It was a bittersweet experience. Bittersweet, hm. My life can be so bittersweet sometimes.

And here I am again, filing paperwork for the Headmaster. Day in, day out. I suppose it was meant to be. It's not like I'm very good at anything else. I can't help but feel a little guilty. Is it right for me to be wondering what it would be like if I'd chosen another path? Or, rather, if another path had chosen me? All of these boggling thoughts can become delightfully unsettling.

"Xu, hurry with those papers, will you?" Headmaster Cid says to me, offering a plastic smile. "Thanks, you're a big help."

And the door closes. I, too, offer a plastic smile. I've grown all too accustomed to this. And my soft side can't falter. What would my dear Headmaster do if I ever raised my voice? Humph, I'm sure all of Garden would have something to say about it. They've built me, haven't they? I'm their little robot. If I were meant to have emotions, I would've used them long, long ago. I would've told him how I feel about him in Dollet. Things would be so much easier if he were here, in my arms. Hyne, what I wouldn't give up to hold him.

_Dammit. I'm supposed to be filing those papers for the Headmaster, aren't I? And look at me, sitting here, daydreaming about this beautiful man I'll never have. I really shouldn't waste my time like this._

I take the handful of papers from the desk, flipping through them a couple of times. They were actually stacked neatly this time. That's a surprise. And it takes a little bit of time, but within fifteen minutes the job was done.

And he returned, eventually, thanked me for my neat work, and left as quickly as he'd come. I let out a soft sigh, giving the clock a sidelong glance. It's almost lunch hour. Of course no one would bother coming in at this time. It's not like anyone bothers coming in any other time, but at lunch hour, they were especially thoughtless.

Without a second thought, I take out an ink pen from one desk drawer and a sheet of paper from another. I stare at the absolute plainness of the paper. White. Nothing else. I suppose that's how paper was expected to be. Always white. No more, no less. It's funny. This sheet of paper is kind of like me, in a way. Plain. A little boring, sure. But where would the world be without paper? It was a necessity, as boring as it was. So, they really _do_ need me, for one thing or another. As farfetched as it seems, it's just got to be true. Doesn't it?

At first I'm just scribbling aimlessly on the paper, little nonsense doodles and scribbled messages. But then, little by little, it all becomes perfectly clear. The drawings are of him and the messages are _about_ him. Hyne, I'm making a fool of myself. I guess there really isn't any point in denying it. I'm in love with the bastard. The sweet, wonderful, beautiful bastard.

Then again, I really shouldn't be too surprised. After all, it's not like it's the first time this has happened. If I'd have saved every paper I did this to, I'm sure I'd have a wall full of papers. And it starts to happen again. The pen moving against the paper, sketching out a blueprint of my mind. He's all I think about these days. Has this really been going on since I first saw him in Dollet? It doesn't feel like it's been that long. Or have I just grown _that_ used to it?

_"I remember. The sky was so gray that day. The water was cold. The sand was like a deathtrap. But you were there. And everything seemed so much brighter. So much warmer. So much softer. You're a little ray of sunshine, my darling. You're my precious little ray of sunshine. And as long as you're bathing over me, I know I'm going to be okay. Now, now, don't go running out on me, okay? I know you could never love a girl like me. You could have any girl you want. And I'm certainly not what you want. You could get a beautiful girl. You could even steal a girl. You actually have that power. Do you know that? I'm sure you do. Hyne, how is it possible for a man to be so gorgeous? You're so strong, so fierce, so graceful. Oh, please. No, don't give me that look. Please, don't even look at me. I melt every single time you look at me. I turn into liquid love whenever you're near. And the only person who knows is me. And the only person who cares is me. Do you know what I'd give just to hear you say you love me? I'd give my own life. Do you realize that? Of course you don't. I don't expect you to. After all, I'm just a numb little robot. I don't have the right to be loved."_

As if the pen had enough ink in the first place to write that mess of melodrama. I toss the drained pen into a nearby trashcan, standing up from the desk as I do so. And I leave the small office, taking the elevator down to the first floor. Lunch hour is only halfway over with, so I still have enough time to grab a quick bite to eat.

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I walk to the cafeteria, ready to stand in a long line for their delicious hot dogs. I'm surprised to see the line is very short. After hearing a few complaints from some nearby students, I realize that the hot dogs are gone. Having nothing better to do, I take a seat at a nearby table, resting my palms on the smooth surface. I rub my stomach, trying to convince it that it isn't hungry. But it's no use. I'm _damn_ hungry, and my futile attempt isn't doing anything to help.

I let out a strained sigh, folding my arms across my chest. What am I supposed to do? I wanted something _real_. I haven't had something _real_ in weeks. A bag of chips just wouldn't do this time.

And I'm not sure why, but my myriad thoughts of being hungry seemed to melt right back into him. No matter what situation I was in, it never failed. Did he really have that kind of a power over me? Did he really have me wrapped around his little finger? Hyne, what he could do to me. And this obsession of mine. It really made me feel guilty. I'd never been this passionate about anything in my life before. Ever. And it's a scary thought, isn't it? The thought of wanting, loving, needing someone so much that it literally takes control of your life. It can really take your breath away.

"Hi, Xu."

__

And I'm instantly torn away from my strange daydream by a familiar voice. I turn, returning the smile that Quistis has given me.

"Hello, Quistis. How are things?"

"Oh, as always, I suppose," she says with a sigh, signaling to the chair beside me. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all."

"Thank you."

"So, what brings you here? You're actually coming to the cafeteria for lunch?"

"Well, I really wasn't going to," she admits while adjusting her position in the chair. "But I had a sudden craving for a hot dog, can you believe that? I normally have a salad or something. Fish, if I'm in the mood."

"Yes. I was kind of hopeful for a hot dog, myself. But of course they've run out. They run out so quickly. They really are delicious, aren't they?"

"Xu. You're starting to sound like a certain hyperactive martial artist."

"M, me? Hm, I'm not sure. You're the one who started talking about hot dogs, aren't you?"

She chuckles at my rushed words, patting my shoulder softly.

"No need to blush, Xu."

"I'm not blushing," I lie behind gritted teeth, trying to ignore the sensation of heat circling through my cheeks.

"Well, I'll let it slide by this time. Anyway, we still have a little time left for lunch hour. And I'm still hungry. Are you?"

"Yes, I am. What're you going to have?"

"Hm, that's tricky, Xu. I really hate to do it, but there's nothing else. I really don't have much of a choice."

"What do you mean?"

"Zell has some leftover pizza in his dorm. And I'm well aware that it'll go straight to my thighs, but there's nothing else to eat."

"So, you're going to Zell's dorm?" I ask her slowly, fumbling with my hands.

"Yes, it's a last resort. Care to come with me?"

"I, I don't know."

"But you just said how hungry you are. You've _got_ to come, Xu. Don't starve yourself."

"I think I just lost my appetite," I lie, unable to look at Quistis' concerned face.

"_Please_. You'll have to do better than that. Well, I really don't care _what_ you say. You're coming with me to Zell's dorm."

"What? Um, no, no. I really don't think so."

"You're _coming_ with _me_," Quistis says, getting up from her seat, pulling me up with her.

"Please!" I cry out, a little louder than I'd originally planned.

I look at the floor, concentrating on my boots, not wanting to see the faces of all those who were baffled by my childishness.

"What's all this about?" Quistis asks me in a hushed tone, placing her hands upon her hips. "I know you're hungry, Xu. Don't tell me you're not. And you were ready to go eat with me until you found out I was going to Zell's dorm. What is it? What do you have against him?"

"It's nothing. I, I just don't like pizza."

"Yes, you do."

"Well, not leftover pizza. It's probably stale by now."

"It's only a day old. I don't think it's too disgusting by now," she tells me, obviously trying to convince me to tag along with her. "Come _on_, let's go already."

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" I ask her, sighing a little.

"Of course not. Well, that settles it. You're coming with me to Zell's dorm."

And with that, Quistis grabs me by the arm, dragging me out of the cafeteria.

_She really doesn't know what she's doing, does she? She has no idea why I really don't want to go to Zell's dorm. I'm obsessed with him enough when I'm keeping a safe distance from him. But if I'm actually in his dorm, well, I'm not sure what would happen to me. It might be a little too much. I'm surprised I'm even lettering her do this to me. Then again, I'm the Headmaster's private android. I'm only meant to serve, isn't that it? Yes, it is._

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Quistis had no problem dragging me all the way from the cafeteria to Zell's dorm. She really is stronger than she looks. Well, I suppose I should've expected that. After all, she's one of the six who brought Ultimecia down.

"Alright, here we are," she says, letting go of my arm. "I can taste that pizza already."

She knocks on the door, lightly, but loud enough for him to hear. And Zell answers the door, welcoming us with a big grin. It's difficult to look at him, but I manage. It's kind of like staring at the sun. So bright, so beautiful. But it's worth the risk.

"Yo!" he cries, opening his door further, ushering us into his dorm. "What's up? How're my two favorite ladies in the whole wide world?"

"You say that to all the ladies, Zell," Quistis says, giggling softly as she walks past the baffled blonde.

"Not even!" he yells, folding his arms across his chest. "Tch, whatever. You know, _I'm_ the one offering my leftover pizza."

"_And_?" Quistis eggs him on, obviously trying to provoke something.

"Ugh!" he groans. "Hey, screw you! I guess you _really_ don't want my pizza!"

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry, Zell. I'd hate to piss you off and take away Xu's chance of getting something to eat."

"Xu," Zell echoes, turning to smile at me, tilting his up slightly in greeting. "How's it going? I haven't seen you in a while."

"J, just fine," I stammer, managing a small smile.

"You don't talk much, do you?" he asks, drowning out Quistis' voice as she asks where the pizza is.

"I, um. I don't know. I talk, Zell," I say, feeling a slight jolt through my body at the mere utter of his name.

He just smiles at me, his eyes sparkling a little bit. And then the little peace of heaven is destroyed when Quistis comes marching back into the room, demanding to know where the pizza is.

"Damn it," Zell says with a groan. "It's in the freakin' oven. Where'd you look for it, under my bed?"

"With manners like that, I'm surprised it _isn't_ under your bed!" Quistis cries, folding her arms across her chest.

I just glance at her, not sure if I'm smiling or not. With Zell's back still facing the blonde instructor, he rolls his eyes at her, only to turn around and apologize for his bad manners.

And then he leads her into the kitchen, getting the pizza out of the oven. I'm still standing at the doorway, wishing my feet would do _something._ Either walk forward or run away, but do _something._

However, before they can register what they want to do, I hear Quistis calling for me to join her and Zell in the kitchen.

Zell waves for me to take a seat beside him on the counter. I glance at Quistis, desperate for _something_ from her, but she's too busy getting a piece of pizza for herself. And with no one to choose an answer for me, I sat on the counter beside him. It's nice, sure. But I'm _so_ scared that I'm blushing furiously.

"Aren't you gonna get a piece of pizza?" he asks me, offering me a smile.

"Um, yes," I say, feeling very stupid all of the sudden. But before I can even get up to get a piece for myself, Zell hops off of the counter, walks over to the pizza, and picks up a piece for me.

"I hope you like cheese pizza," he says as he hands me my piece, flashing an adorable smile.

"I do. Thank you."

"I'm amazed at you, Zell," Quistis says, leaning against the refrigerator. "I'm surprised you don't have sliced hot dog wieners on the pizza."

"Well, I asked 'em about that. They just don't make it that way."

Quistis laughs, shaking her head at the blonde fighter.

I bite into my piece of pizza, too many thoughts piling up within my head. Quistis and Zell's silly conversation goes unheard while I eat my lunch slowly, thinking about insane it all is.

_After all, my crush is right there. He's right there. And just earlier today I was drawing silly sketches of him. I really did owe Quistis a, "Thank you." She's the one who dragged me here, to eat lunch at Zell's dorm. If it weren't for her, I probably would've just went right back up to my office to file more papers for the Headmaster. Then again, if I did thank her, she'd probably be baffled. I'm not sure if I can tell her how I really feel about Zell. She is my best friend, but I just don't know if I'm ready yet. Besides, I'm still chained to the logic that a robot doesn't have the right to love anyone. So, I'm quite sure that I'm not in love. It's just a little crush, that's all. And this strange sensation I get in my heart every time I see him isn't anything. Yes, that's how it is. How bittersweet it can all be sometimes._

"Hello? Is anybody in there?"

And I'm instantly awaken from my trance by Zell's concerned voice. I offer him a nervous smile, only to look over at Quistis. She is giving me a weird look, as if everything I was just thinking of had been said out loud.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"Are you okay?" Quistis asks, raising an elegant eyebrow at me.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Zell inquires, touching my arm lightly.

_Oh, Hyne. His touch is so amazing. And he's just touching my arm. I'm ecstatic when he's just touching my arm. Just imagine what he could to do my body._

"Yes," I lie, feeling flushed. I get off of the counter and toss mypiece of pizza's crust into a nearby trashcan. "Thanks for your concern."

"Where are you going?" Quistis questions me.

I can feel her eyes burning on my back while I attempt to leave Zell's dorm.

"Lunch hour is almost over," I say, turning around, thankful that I'd come up with a believable excuse.

"So?" Zell scoffs. "Besides, you've only had one piece. Don't tell me you're full after just having one piece. Even Quistis the tree hugger can stuff down at least three pieces."

"How dare you?!" Quistis cries, slapping him playfully.

"It's true!" he yells, grinning broadly.

"Well, _anyway_," Quistis says, straightening the front of her blouse. "All that aside, I suppose you're right. Lunch hour _is_ almost over."

"Yawl are leaving me so soon?" Zell asks, his voice rich with disbelief. "That's not fair."

"That's what you get for being rude to me," Quistis says, smiling warmly as she walks over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, leading me out of Zell's dorm.

"What?!" Zell cries. "So much for a goodbye, huh?!"

"Goodbye, Zell," Quistis says as we leave the baffled martial artist behind.

Just before we leave his dorm, however, I turn my head and offer him a small wave. His astonished expression immediately softens, and he mouths a, "Bye."

And with that, Quistis and I leave Zell's dorm, not bothering to shut the door.

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_The day went by fairly quickly. Quistis went back to her classroom, taught the afternoon classes, and I returned to my office to file paperwork. Nothing too interesting, but that's alright. After all, my afternoon had been interesting enough. Because of Quistis, I actually went inside of Zell's dorm. And he looked so gorgeous. It was almost unbearable. And I'm sure I made a fool of myself. I hardly said anything of interest the entire time we were in his dorm. But that's okay. It was my first time. Of course I couldn't say anything too interesting. Maybe, just maybe I can tell Quistis about my little situation. She's my best friend, right? I'm sure she'll understand. And it's not like she'll tell anyone. That's just not the kind of person Quistis is. She's got a better set of ethics than that. Well, I guess I shouldn't keep letting the thought play tug of war inside of my head. I'll have to tell her the next time I see her._

And with that, the mess inside of my mind begins to dwindle as I drift off to sleep, the only place where I can hold Zell in my arms and tell him how much I love him.

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Author's Notes

Okay, so how was that? Was it pathetic? I hope it wasn't _that_ bad. I'm really trying hard on this one. I've got allot of ideas for it. So, if you enjoyed my story and you would like me to continue, please review. Thank you very much.


	2. Self Destruct

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A Sorta Fairytale

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Author's Notes

Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm really going to work my ass off to keep my word. I really am going to work very hard on this. And once again, thank you. I hope the second chapter will be as well received as the first.

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Disclaimer

The _Final Fantasy VIII_ franchise is owned by Squaresoft. The song _A Sorta Fairytale_ is owned by Tori Amos.

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Ch. 02

Self Destruct

I am surprised with myself. I didn't dream at all last night. But even if that's a good thing, I'm not feeling the benefits just yet.

I lie there, staring at the ceiling. What happened to me? How did I ever become so numb? Was I born this way? Have I spent too many years at Garden? Whatever the reason, I _was_ a human, no matter what the Headmaster has done to me. And there are pieces of me buried somewhere deep inside. I can't reach them. No, I've tried several times. But Zell can. There's something in the back of my head saying, "He can do it."

I feel a tingling sensation at the back of my eyes. Am I about to cry? I haven't cried in such a long time. I've forgotten what it feels like.

And I cry. The tears come easy, like falling stars often do. Pretty girls are so lucky. Pretty girls always get to catch falling stars. Ugly girls never can.

I eventually quit feeling sorry for myself and get out of bed. I take a quick shower, then change into my SeeD uniform. After a few quick strokes with the hairbrush, a couple sprays of perfume, and a quick glance in the mirror, I'm out the door.

_I start my day the same way everyday. I wonder if it'll go on like this forever. But there's nothing wrong with cycles. People go through cycles everyday. Even this world goes through a cycle. Why should I complain? Who gave me that right?_

Just as I leave the Dormitory my memory recalls a certain promise I made to myself last night. I'm going to tell Quistis what I _really_ think about Zell. I don't suppose it could do any harm. It's not like she's going to betray my trust. She's a better person than that.

__

"Xu!" a girl's voice cries out.

I turn around, smiling warmly as Rinoa comes running up to me.

"Hey, I haven't seen you in _such_ a long time," she says. "How have you been?"

"Just fine. And yourself?"

"The same. What have you been up to?"

"Filing papers for the Headmaster, of course."

"Don't you do anything else?" she asks.

"Not really."

"Sounds like a boring job."

"It is," I admit. "But I don't think I'm very good at anything else."

"Well, you never know unless you try. I bet you're good at lots of things."

"Thank you. So, what are you up to?"

"Not too much," she says. "Well, actually, I'm bored. I wanna go out and do something tonight. I haven't gone out for a month."

"I haven't gone out for my entire life."

Rinoa laughs, slapping me playfully on the shoulder. I chuckle a little, not bothering to explain that it wasn't a joke.

"Well, let's get rid of the losing streak, shall we?"

"What do you mean?" I inquire.

"We should go out."

"On a date?"

"Not like that! You know, a girl's night out! You, Quistis, Selphie, and me. What do you think?"

"It sounds like a wonderful offer, really, but I'm afraid I must decline."

"But you can't!" she whines.

"Why not?"

"Because it just isn't right. You've got to come. I'll never forgive myself if you don't."

"But it wouldn't be your fault. It would be my own. After all, I'm the one making the choice."

"Xu, you don't have to be so literal," she says. "Even Quistis has lightened up ever since Ultimecia's defeat."

"I'm uptight?" I inquire softly, feeling stupid for not having realized it before.

"Yes! I don't mean to offend you or anything, but it's the truth. You've got to soften a little, honey. I'm sure there's allot of fantastic guys who'd love to go out with you. But they're probably too scared because you don't show enough emotions. You're not being yourself. Don't let all of Headmaster Cid's stupid paperwork change who you really are."

_Is this really Rinoa I'm talking to? I never knew the bubbly dark haired girl could be so observant. Maybe she hid behind that mask because she didn't know how people would react to her unbeknownst intelligence. Still, I can't help but feel a little odd. It's almost as if I'm talking to Quistis. Which reminds me, I still have to find Quistis and tell her about Zell._

"Thank you," I say softly.

"It's nothing. Friends are there to tell you the truth when nobody else will."

_Friends are there to tell you the truth when nobody else will. I can't believe she just said that. It makes so sense to me now. They aren't the ones who have been doing me wrong. I'm the one who's been throwing the daggers all along. It's a bit of a shock. I've wasted so much time pointing the invisible finger of blame at the only people who actually care about me. If only I would've told them the truth like friends are supposed to do, I wouldn't have spent so many long nights dreaming of another life._

I smile at Rinoa, nodding in understanding. She returns the warm gesture.

"Well," she says. "I think I'm going to go tell Quistis and Selphie about our plans tonight. Let's meet in the parking lot at nine o'clock."

"I'll tell Quistis. There's something I needed to talk about with her, anyway."

"Okay. I'll go and tell Selphie, then. I'll see you at nine o'clock!"

"I'll see you then."

And the two of us part ways, heading in opposite directions to track down the other two members of our little all female troupe. A troupe that I had no idea I was a part of. A troupe that I had been a part of all along.

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"Quistis. Can I please have a word with you?"

"Of course, Xu," she says, signaling for me to come into her classroom. "What's up?"

I walk up to her desk, leaning against it just a little. I'd already known that it would be difficult to find the right words, but it was something that had to be done. I couldn't keep it bottled inside anymore. And I'd promised myself just last night. I have no right to let myself down like this.

_Why can't I just spit it out? Why am I making it more difficult than it really is? Rinoa just told me I shouldn't be uptight. After all, it's perfectly clear that Zell will never notice me if I'm uptight. I've got to soften up. I've got to be soft. If I ever want to be loved by the man of my dreams, I've got to be soft. Take it easy, Xu. You can do this. You've got to._

"I think that I'm in love with Zell," I say in a hushed tone.

An awkward silence falls, which sends a thousand worried thoughts into my head. I look at Quistis' face, desperate for an answer. But I simply cannot find one. She isn't smiling. She isn't frowning. She has a perfectly plain expression on her face. All I can do is hope for the best.

_I'm hoping for the best. That sounds so peculiar. I never thought I could see the glass half full. I was always such a pessimistic thing. Am I betraying myself? Or is this who I really am? It's difficult to be for certain. Time will tell, I suppose._

And before I can think another thought, Quistis leaps up and brings me into a friendly embrace. I hug her back, smiling

"That's _wonderful_!" she cries, stepping back, looking me over. "When did you figure it out?"

"I've known for a long time," I admit. "I don't mean to push you this off on you, but I had to tell someone. It was too hard to keep it all inside."

"I understand. I'm happy for you. I think the two of you would make an adorable couple."

"Thank you. But I'm not sure if Zell shares your enthusiasm."

"You can never be too sure," she says. "Have you ever spent any time alone with him?"

"No, I haven't."

"Hmm. We'll have to change that, then. Do you have any plans tonight?"

"Actually, yes. And so do you."

"What do you mean?" she asks me.

"Rinoa thought it'd be neat if we had a girl's night out tonight. The three of us and Selphie. Are you okay with that?"

"It sounds like a wonderful idea, but what about Zell? He isn't one of the girls."

"I know. I had no idea you'd be so willing to try and get us together."

"Well, we'll have to take it step by step," she explains. "The first thing we've got to do is get the two of you alone together."

"I hope you have a plan."

"I do. Don't worry, I'll talk to Zell about it. And he won't have a clue what's going on. I promise. So, what time will we be leaving?"

"At nine o'clock," I say. "We're supposed to meet at the parking lot."

"We'll be there."

"_We'll_ be there?"

"Yes, _we'll_ be there. Come by my dorm at seven thirty. We can get ready together."

"Are you planning on giving me a makeover?" I inquire.

"No, not exactly. I'm just going to enhance your features. That's all."

"I'm scared."

"Don't be, honey. Well, I'm _too_ excited. Tonight is going to be wonderful, Xu! Tonight's the first night of the rest of your life."

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course."

I smile at my blonde best friend. And then I realize how hungry I am. After saying goodbye to Quistis, I head to the cafeteria, ready to grab a quick bite to eat.

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Well, after leaving the cafeteria on an empty stomach due to a ridiculously long line, I head back to my dorm. Sure, it was still early, but I figure I'll take it easy until tonight. After all, I'm going to have a _very_ busy night. I don't want to wear myself out.

I walk into my dorm, shutting the door behind me. I walk over to my stereo and place in the CD _Scarlet's Walk_ by Tori Amos. The familiar sounds of alternative music at it's best fills the room. And just as I begin to hum along, I spot a small package lying on my couch.

And as the music rolls along, I stand there. I stand there, perfectly still, staring at the strange package.

"How did that get here?" I ask. "And who brought it?"

I step over to the couch, gathering the package in my arms. I look it over carefully, and notice there is no return address. It must be from someone at the Garden.

I tear off the crude wrapping paper, realizing that the package was actually a plate. It was a plate with a slice of pizza, wrapped messily in plastic wrap. The plastic wrap was messy, however, because a note was written on it.

_"Couldn't find paper. This is for you, eat it. You only had one slice yesterday. And it's still good, haha. Zell."_

Zell brought a slice of pizza to my dorm? That's kind of strange. Although wonderfully thoughtful, it's still strange. How did he know which dorm was mine? And why was he being so nice to me? After all, he hardly even knew me. But I suppose I shouldn't be complaining. It's not like there's anything to complain about. In fact, everything is wonderful.

I eat the slice of pizza after micro waving it. Then I toss the plate into the trash. However, I keep the note that he had written on the plastic wrap. I fold it up neatly and then place it in the nightstand beside my bed. It may seem ridiculous of me, but I've got to lighten up. And I'm sure there are hundreds of ditzy, lovesick girls who do the same thing. They might even be worse.

And as the day goes by, I sit on the couch where the package had been left. The place that Zell had been. I rubbed my hands together, listening to Tori's soothing voice, listening to the strange calmness in my heart.

_And Rinoa and Quistis are both right. It's changing so fast. Just yesterday morning I was an android, and now I realize that isn't who I'm supposed to be. For such a long time, I thought I was all alone. How stupid have I been? I'm beginning to understand. Life isn't a trap that Hyne has set for us. No, no, it's so much more than that. Life is a blessing that Hyne has giving us. I can't believe I've wasted so many nights questioning my own existence. But that's how it is. I'm human. Humans make mistakes. And the world really seems so much prettier now. Yesterday I only saw in gray, with traces of infrared. And the occasional navy blue when I was depressed. But now I see every color. I see every detail, every particle. There's so much to see now. There's so much to know. And this wonderful warm sensation in my chest. I think my heart's trying to tell me something. I think my heart's trying to tell me everything's going to be just fine. It's kind of funny. After just a little bit of girl talk, my entire life got so much better. What did I do to deserve this? Am I a good person? Do I have good intentions? I'm a mystery, even to myself. But I'm discovering new things. I'm discovering me. Things are going to be just fine. I'm going to ride it through. I'm going to be myself. I'm going to be me. Self destruct. The robot is gone, and the human has returned. I'm a human again. I'm me again. This is who I am. I am Xu, and tonight is the beginning of the rest of my life._

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Author's Notes

I hope that didn't blow too much. Alright, next chapter, get ready for a girl's night out. And plan on having Xu and Zell have a little alone time. And if you liked this chapter, please leave a review. Thank you very much.


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